i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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