Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
