I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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