We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize