can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
