remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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