Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
