I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
