cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
