Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
