you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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