Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
