Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
She told me I should be a condom model.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
