Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I need water and some morals
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
