His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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