Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
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