soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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