So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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