I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I'm getting married
To pizza
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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