Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
i think i have two assholes
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
