hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
