there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize