Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I need water and some morals
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
