i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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