I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
