there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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