I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
