Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
