Are we in a gay sports bar?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
