If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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