I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
