Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize