omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
