You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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