What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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