I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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