u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
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