grandma shit on top of the toilet
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
