i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
