I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize