I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
