I faked an abortion last night.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Randomize
