the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
