I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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