The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
My legs feel like baby dolphins
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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