You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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