FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Randomize
