I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
