In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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