I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize