was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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