if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
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