We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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