I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
