question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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