i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
