there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
