Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize