I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
areolas are like halos for boobs.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
