You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Randomize
