Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
