you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
