btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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