The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
How does it feel to date your dad?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize
