then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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