New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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