Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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