I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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