I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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