Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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