So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
