people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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