I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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