An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
He called his prostate his "boner button".
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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