Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
