areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I have already put on my inside pants.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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