I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
