its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
