Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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