you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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