Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
