my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
