No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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