"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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