i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
