just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
