they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
