I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize