Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
