Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
