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Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Can I color on your dick again?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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