Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
