my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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