just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
