Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
