Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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