I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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