She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
