i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
