Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
