it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize