forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
