I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
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