so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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