Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
