Please don't use social media to get back at me.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
